Have you every wish that you could push a reprogram button at the back of your head that would immediately erase every negative thought, calm every irrational feeling and free you from every sin pattern in your life?  Instead every mom that I know has unresolved issues that pop up at the most inconvenient times. If you thought you were the only one that still struggles you can rest assured that you are a part of a big company of people – called the human race.

The Day I realized I had an anger issue… Fall 1993

Tormenting thoughts battled in my mind as I drove to Saturday night worship.

“I’m the worst mom in the world…

“I can’t believe I blew it again…

“I hate life…

My knuckles were white as I gripped the steering wheel tightly. Strapped in back were two carseats. Tears streamed down my face and were reflected in the eyes of my three year old and one year old. Another baby girl was growing inside my belly and was strapped in by my seatbelt.

The conversation continued in my brain.

“What am I thinking- trying to be a mother…

“They don’t deserve this..

“God – ARE YOU THERE?’

The last question seemed to bounce off the soiled ceiling of my minivan. Somehow I maneuvered into a parking place and carried the car seat and too tightly squeezed the fingers of my oldest daughter as we walked into the church. After signing them in childcare, I breathed a sigh of relief.

I don’t think I heard the sermon that night. I just remembered communion. That is when I really began to sob as my screaming tirades flashed back in my mind.  Now my hands shook as I held a communion cup.

The fight intensified in my mind.

“Who do you think you are?

“You hypocrite…”

“You will never change…”

This last thought was interrupted by the pastor speaking from the pulpit. “I believe there are some of you who have believed a lie that you can’t change. The truth is that Jesus blood has paid the price for your sin and He has delivered you out of darkness. You are free – You just need to believe it, receive it, and act on it.”

It sounded so simple, so why was I so bound? The turmoil within me began to bubble up then calm as though the toxic thoughts had finally been neutralized by the truth of God’s word.

A new phrase began to take shape in my mind. It was an entirely different thought. In fact, it felt like a whisper from heaven that I was finally listening to.

“You are the best mom in the world for your children….”

“You have been called and chosen for the task of being a mom…”

“I will help you become the best mom for them…

Hope began to fill the deepest recess of my soul. For so long I had floundered under the  fog of the enemies torment that these words were like beams of sunshine bringing a multifaceted rainbow of His promise. His personal promise TO ME!

HE HEARD MY CRIES and His transformation is what has fueled my hope to be able to help other moms who have their own moments of hidden desperation. I hope to hear from you – I would love to hear your stories of pain, triumph and trivia of being a mom. Check back here tomorrow when I talk about some ways to replace your anger with His love.