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Get Honest

Have you every struggled with anger ot rage?

Hi, I’m Sue Detweiler with ChristianMomTalk.com.  I didn’t realize that I had trouble controlling my anger until I had a toddler. Most of the time I was calm and gentle with my children, but if something triggered my anger, like spilled juice on a newly mopped floor, or marker on the wall, or anytime they blocked a goal.  If I felt overwhelmed with a circumstance, my anger would flare as quickly as a spark ignites a fire.

Ephesians 4:26-27 says “And ‘don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil” (New Living Translation).

When you don’t control anger, it will control you.  When you let loose and scream, shout, pound your fist, or quietly seethe, you are opening up the doorway of your home and inviting the devil to take up residence in your midst. You can feel the atmosphere of your home change. If you make it a regular habit, it gives the devil a foothold. You start to justify your actions and blame everyone around you.

How do you get over anger and rage you may ask? (Because I know there are some who are listening and I am describing something that secretly happens in your house). A first step is to cry out to God and repent of your sin. Have a change of your mind and heart. Humble yourself before God and ask Him to help you.  The other thing that I did is that I would bring my children around me and ask their forgiveness and we would pray together.  I would openly confess it to my husband and ask for his prayer. In other words, I didn’t hide it. I brought it in the light.  I meditated on Scripture and I believed God that He had filled me with the fruit of His spirit that included love, patience, and self-control.

If you have an anger issue, get honest and get free.

 
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4 Ways to let the Hot Air OUT of your Anger

by Sue Detweiler

It’s the fourth of July and you want the fireworks that you experience as a family to be in the sky, not an explosion of anger in your home. To celebrate your freedom in Christ, lets talk about 4 steps to let some of the hot air out of your anger.

1. Laugh

I don’t know about you, but I need a dose of humor in order to be a good mom. It’s one of the things that as I look back at my mistakes as a parent, I wish I would have laughed more at the toddler mishaps. Experts say “a well-developed sense of humor can boost a person’s immune system, contribute to a more optimistic outlook on life, and increase self-esteem.”*

In tense situations laughter is good medicine – so laugh! Laugh at yourself and how intense you are. If you are too upset to laugh, take a break. Watch a fun movie to get your mind off the problem. Let the toxicity of the moment evaporate so that you are able to see the truth in the situation rather than the exaggerated details of your mind.

Bill Cosby said, “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. ”

2. Listen

When I become angry, usually it is a red flag that I am thinking negative thoughts that lead to irrational feelings. Usually I am putting myself and my goals before others. It’s in those moments that if I can silence myself and listen to God and listen to the needs of others. Even a cranky toddler can be communicating that they are tired and need a nap or hungry and need a snack. If I truly stop and listen I am more likely to respond in love rather than anger.

Become a good listener not only of words, but be a discerner of the deeper issues of the heart. Listen to find out what is really happening in the moment. Sometimes the words a person speaks is just camouflage for what they are feeling in the moment. Listen to the needs of others not just your own.

3. Learn

Part of walking with God is being a life-long learner of His ways. If we form a habit of regularly becoming irritable and angry even at the smallest issues with our families, we need to seek to learn a different way. We won’t learn if we continue to make excuses that “I’m a redhead and redheads get angry.” Rather, when we admit that we are wrong, confess our sins to another, we are on the path of learning a new way.

As a young mom when I was learning how to replace my anger with God’s love I would sit myself in time out. The girls were even cute enough to “pray for mommy.” I also began to talk about my anger as sin and to confess it openly to my husband, often in front of the children. I wanted them to know that it was not okay for me to respond in anger. Bringing my own anger into the light really helped me to get free.

4. Love

A mother’s love is unconditional. A mother’s love should not be based on whether or not your child followed all the rules. A mother’s love, like God’s love, sees the best in a child. Calls out the potential rather than criticizes their lack. A mother is able to draw out and encourage. A mother’s love is only able to heal the bruises and bumps of the world if it is completely anchored in God’s love.

Nothing is impossible for a mom who holds the world of her newborn baby in her hands. Love pushes over every wall of rejection and every fortress of rebellion.  Love conquers all.

As you laugh, listen, learn and love you will grow closer to God as you grow closer to your family. The anger of the moment will evaporate when you concentrate on walking in God’s fruit of love.

*http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/learning/funny_toddlers.html

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Every Mom Can Overcome Negative Thoughts and Irrational Feelings

Have you every wish that you could push a reprogram button at the back of your head that would immediately erase every negative thought, calm every irrational feeling and free you from every sin pattern in your life?  Instead every mom that I know has unresolved issues that pop up at the most inconvenient times. If you thought you were the only one that still struggles you can rest assured that you are a part of a big company of people – called the human race.

The Day I realized I had an anger issue… Fall 1993

Tormenting thoughts battled in my mind as I drove to Saturday night worship.

“I’m the worst mom in the world…

“I can’t believe I blew it again…

“I hate life…

My knuckles were white as I gripped the steering wheel tightly. Strapped in back were two carseats. Tears streamed down my face and were reflected in the eyes of my three year old and one year old. Another baby girl was growing inside my belly and was strapped in by my seatbelt.

The conversation continued in my brain.

“What am I thinking- trying to be a mother…

“They don’t deserve this..

“God – ARE YOU THERE?’

The last question seemed to bounce off the soiled ceiling of my minivan. Somehow I maneuvered into a parking place and carried the car seat and too tightly squeezed the fingers of my oldest daughter as we walked into the church. After signing them in childcare, I breathed a sigh of relief.

I don’t think I heard the sermon that night. I just remembered communion. That is when I really began to sob as my screaming tirades flashed back in my mind.  Now my hands shook as I held a communion cup.

The fight intensified in my mind.

“Who do you think you are?

“You hypocrite…”

“You will never change…”

This last thought was interrupted by the pastor speaking from the pulpit. “I believe there are some of you who have believed a lie that you can’t change. The truth is that Jesus blood has paid the price for your sin and He has delivered you out of darkness. You are free – You just need to believe it, receive it, and act on it.”

It sounded so simple, so why was I so bound? The turmoil within me began to bubble up then calm as though the toxic thoughts had finally been neutralized by the truth of God’s word.

A new phrase began to take shape in my mind. It was an entirely different thought. In fact, it felt like a whisper from heaven that I was finally listening to.

“You are the best mom in the world for your children….”

“You have been called and chosen for the task of being a mom…”

“I will help you become the best mom for them…

Hope began to fill the deepest recess of my soul. For so long I had floundered under the  fog of the enemies torment that these words were like beams of sunshine bringing a multifaceted rainbow of His promise. His personal promise TO ME!

HE HEARD MY CRIES and His transformation is what has fueled my hope to be able to help other moms who have their own moments of hidden desperation. I hope to hear from you – I would love to hear your stories of pain, triumph and trivia of being a mom. Check back here tomorrow when I talk about some ways to replace your anger with His love.

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